An unfortunately common response in the face of well-reasoned argument (alternatively: oh no! run! it’s thinking!)

The Onion had a great piece last Thursday — Oh, No! It’s Making Well-Reasoned Arguments Backed With Facts! Run! — which sounds all too familiar…

I…I think it’s finally over. Our reactionary emotional response seems to have stopped it dead in its tracks. If I’m right, all we have to do now is smugly reiterate our half-formed thesis and—oh, no! For the love of God, no! It’s thoughtfully mulling things over!

Run! Run! It’s making reasonable, fact-based arguments!

Speaking of fact-based arguments…

Quickly! Hide behind self-righteousness! The ad hominem rejoinders—ready the ad hominem rejoinders! Watch out! Dodge the issue at hand! Question its character and keep moving haphazardly from one flawed point to the next!

Does this sound at all familiar to anyone else?

Skipping to the end (but do read the whole thing):

Unless…wait, of course! Why didn’t we think of it before? Volume! Sheer volume! It’s so simple. Quickly now, we don’t have much time! Don’t let it get a word in edgewise! Derisively cut it off mid-sentence! Now, launch the sophomoric personal attacks! Louder, yes, that’s it, louder! Be repetitive, juvenile, and obstinate! It’s working! It’s working!

Now, the brilliance of this piece (and the Onion in general) is that anyone can relate to it. Meaning, there are certainly pro-lifers just as guilty of these tactics and pro-choicers who are not.

Still, I find it pretty funny considering the yelling strategy we’ve seen at the University of Toronto and abroad. “Louder, yes, that’s it, louder! Be repetitive, juvenile, and obstinate!”


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